Sometimes it isn’t fun being a guy. Most of the time I’d prefer it, as far as I know, but there are times when I wish it didn’t feel like it is completely up to me to find my soul mate. Because, lets be real here, that is what I’m looking for. I’m not looking for someone just to have sex with – not in the grand scheme of things. But the interesting fact is that I only realize this when I am not dating anyone. When I am dating someone, I am too busy justifying my way into the relationship for me to know what I really want. I get caught up in strange games that I don’t even know I’m playing. I start telling myself that it takes time to build a strong relationship, and perhaps I will grow to truly love this person. Or, I tell myself that maybe a relationship without heart-wrenching love is best for me right now.
That is what happens when I’m dating someone. When I am not dating someone I realize that this is bullshit. And, in other words, it is settling for someone that isn’t right for me.
I’m not sharing this story in order to vent. Well, maybe a little, but the main reason I am talking about this is because I am tired of people settling, even though I understand how easily it can happen. It is mind-boggling the amount of people that get caught up in relationships that are unhealthy. I want to be clear about what I mean. If you are in a relationship that isn’t helping you become a better person, it is, in my opinion unhealthy. If you allow yourself to be vulnerable in a relationship, this should invariably bring out the best version of you and in turn bring out the best version of the other person—anything less is settling.
And I know there are a million reasons why people get trapped in these relationships; many more severe than the mental zoo I tend to throw myself into. But the bottom line is if you settle in one aspect of your life, you are teaching yourself to settle in other aspects of your life. In our society, we allow ourselves to be content with unhappiness. How many people do you know that hate their job, or are trying to escape their family life, or their boyfriend? But for some reason, these situations are rarely a cause for concern. Instead of trying to change the aspects of our life we aren’t happy with, we clink glasses to our mutual unhappiness.
You should not have to “put up” with life. To do so is a choice, not the product of circumstance like so many people seem to buy into. Without diving too far into my philosophy on life, I must stress the importance of trying to create the best life for yourself that you possibly can. I often hear people refer to those with fewer troubles as lucky. To me, this sounds like a convenient excuse to allow yourself to settle with less than you deserve. Consider this quote by Branch Rickey, a famous MLB Executive, “Luck is the residue of design.” Granted it does seem like some people have the gods in their favor, but instead of calling them lucky, let’s figure out what they are doing right.
I realize that no matter what, there will be aspects of your life to “put up” with, but this cannot be the standard. The standard should be to continually seek the best version of yourself, because you deserve that—we all do. So if you haven’t found someone that sets your heart on fire and makes you the best possible person you can imagine yourself being, then keep looking, and don’t stress. If you know that it will happen, it will…eventually.